I am in a super bad mood tonight, and I don't know why.

Maybe it's my birthday coming up and I am resigned to it sucking as usual (honestly, I don't care about holidays any longer, and they annoy/depress me more than they give me any sort of joy).

My mom asks, "What do you want for your birthday?" And I tell her I don't know. Because I don't.

Really, there's only two things I'd like: a Kindle or comparable e-book reader, or that spiffy swiveling touch-screen laptop I mentioned a bit back. Beyond that, not really wanting anything. Both are significantly out of the price range of my family to give as gifts, so I won't bother asking.

I used to ask for RPGs, books, and video games, but I have plenty of them. More RPGs than I'll ever actually play, anyways.

Really, the stuff I'm looking for right now is to increase my productivity or enjoyment of various media (especially being untethered from a workstation), which is what the two things I actually want would do.

Or maybe its the fact that the house is a sty right now. We really need to get the laundry finished, and Jen keeps saying she's going to help with it, but shit keeps coming up and getting in the way, or it gets forgotten/ignored, so it keeps piling up. It's really just getting to me.

And the basement is still a mess from the flooding and needs a really good mopping, plus I FUCKING HATE dealing with the cat box. Ugh.

I'm stuck at the house all the time. I'm still in too bad of shape to go back to work. Did a stress exam the other day, and my life stress is extremely high, which can't be helping. I didn't even realize until I looked at it on paper.

I have a billion things to do which are just too exhausting, so they don't get done, and I end up beating myself up about them later. Which I mostly try not to do, but some of them are things I can't put off but am.

Might explain why I'm sleeping 10 hours a night and still not feeling rested.

Blah, blah, blah. Anyways, just *grumble*.

I'm turning 30 in four days. I'm not exactly certain how I feel about that, if I feel anything at all, but I know how I'll feel about you if you present gifts to me. Cause you wanna. You know you do. Especially with a pun like that.

I'm actually amazed I have a list. Usually, whenever gift-giving time rolls around, I can never think of anything I really, really want -- beyond one giant, expensive, improbable item (like the 360). My wife and our mutual friends have been asking me for three weeks what I want for my birthday and I've been shrugging and promising to give them ideas. So there's blood, sweat, and late nights in that list, er, among stuff I just added to it cause I want it.

Really, though, can you fill the emptiness of existence?
Cause I looked for that on Amazon, and they didn't have it in stock.